Well.
It's been a while. I've been busy.
Before I start, I'd like to make a couple of points:
1. I don't intend to ever use this 'blog as a tool to attack ANYONE. Were I to attack someone, there would be no mistakes about it. These are my thoughts and perceptions of events that happen to me.
2. Sometimes I don't portray events exactly as they have occurred. I apologise for this. Most of the time, I haven't got the time, so I generalise.
Thanksgiving was interesting. Went to my aunt's house, as always. Good food, and I got to see my cousin Kelly and her husband Garrett. They're cool.
Friday I spent on my physics project. Playing with electromagnets is fun. Especially at 24V and 30-gauge wire, so that it heats up AND starts to vibrate like a motherfucker. I also worked on my Rice application.
This morning, my sister left for Waco. After she left, I worked on my Rice application some more. I finished it and mailed it at 16.44 this afternoon. *crosses fingers*
For your edification, here's my essay:
My Dialect: My Own Culture
At first glance, I appear to be a typical White Texan high-school student. I have blond hair, green/brown eyes, and fair skin, slightly tanned. Yet, I have only to open my mouth to dispel such a perception.
My dialect is probably the single best index of how varied and diverse my life experience has been. I lived in San Antonio, Texas, for the first eleven years of my life, experiencing Spanish, Mexican Spanish, German, and a handful of other languages on a regular basis and as a matter of course. To get to school as a child, for example, I went down San Pedro Avenue, past Jones-Maltzberger and Blanco Roads, down McCullough Avenue to Hildebrand Street, then onto Shook Street and finally Main Street. No matter how multicultural one’s environment is, however, a shock is necessary to open one’s eyes to true diversity.
In 1996, after my fifth-grade year, I moved to Shaker Heights, Ohio. In this community, where there lived a much higher percentage of Blacks and Jews than I had known in San Antonio, I heard a great number of accents and dialects as well. Being thrust into a new world as an exotic outsider—often, a specimen—and finding that I identified with people I never would have expected to identify with caused—forced!—me to evaluate my beliefs regarding race, and culture. My own changing speech patterns were instrumental in the development of my new worldview.
In order to get along (most notably at lunch), I had to adapt my slightly twangy South Texas speech to incorporate elements of Ebonics (which was akin to my own Southern dialect), hip-hop slang (examples are ‘tight’ and ‘phat’), the American Midwestern dialect (‘pop’ for a soft drink and my pronunciation of ‘gross’), Scandinavian, German, and Yiddish (‘oy’ and ‘kosher’). By seventh grade, I had learned to listen first to the dialect of whomever I was speaking to and to use that dialect as primary during that conversation. This ‘trick’ enabled me to expand the number and diversity of my friends. It also allowed me to avoid stagnating in a purely homogenous social scene, a trap into which a number of my friends at that time fell.
About the same time, because of my extended social horizons, I began listening to rap and reggae music. These genres have not only their own lexica and accents but also a unique sense of history and precedent. Because of the nature of the genres, singers must often change pronunciations of words to make them rhyme or flow more musically within a song. Each of these changes tends to enter the common usage of rap and reggae fans. I, for example, often make use of the rap bastardisation ‘bisnass’ (for ‘business’) to refer to personal space, as in, ‘He was all up in her bisnass.’
My experience in Shaker Heights was truly formative to the way I interact with people, even beyond my method of speech. It opened my eyes to how confining our society’s prevailing norms about race and culture really are. The time I lived there impressed upon me the very humanness common to all people and the possibility and necessity of understanding others’ cultures. The vehicle I chose to use was language, and ever since I have been absolutely in love with it.
Upon my return to San Antonio, I faced a great linguistic dilemma: ought I to continue to adapt and improve my dialect with elements foreign to me, or would the better course be to return to my childhood homogeneity, now possible once more on friendly home turf? The decision was not difficult in the end. I have not lost the lesson of Shaker Heights, and it has made me a much more tolerant person. Neither has my speech suffered, for in my quest to understand more about people, I have acquired a number of interesting and useful linguistic traits.
My study of Latin, for example, has allowed me to greatly enhance my dialect. Code switching is a common linguistic phenomenon in border areas and colonies, but often I code-switch between Latin and English. Admittedly, this can sometimes confuse my non-Latin-speaking friends and classmates, but to me, many thoughts simply make more sense in Latin than they do in English. I often quote some Roman orator or Medieval historian who has said—language barrier aside—what needs be said in the best possible way. My visit to Italy in the summer of 2001 furthered this trend. While my Italian was spotty at first, I picked much up quickly, and my knowledge of Spanish and Latin assisted me in learning how to get along, and speaking Italian came to inform how I speak Latin, which in turn continues to inform my English.
Similarly, my research into Old and Middle English provides me with a number of expressions and quotations, mostly from Beowulf and The Canterbury Tales.
Another influence on the way I speak, present beginning during my years in Shakers Heights and continuing throughout my adolescence, has been the language developed primarily by ten-to-twelve-year-olds on bulletin board systems and in chat rooms, known as @l33t, l33t, or l337 (pronounced ‘ee-LEET’, ‘LEET’, and ‘LEET’, respectively). My primary use of l337 words is in sarcasm, to convey that what I am saying is childish or stupid. Recently, however, the spoken form of l337 has a currency among certain social groups that virtually requires its use. To communicate within such circumstances requires knowledge of an entirely distinct contextual system from English; as a l337 speaker, I have become more sensitive to contextual subtlety. The terms ‘r0X0r’ and ‘PWN’, for example, are both verbs corresponding to ‘to beat’ in English, but each has its own subset of that meaning. Another example of l337’s influence is its practice of describing in third person an action the speaker is performing, quite necessary to the portrayal of action in text communications; this practice has however carried over to spoken l337 as a means of expressing what the speaker would like to do or imagines doing. As such, it is a powerful tool for enhancing meaning.
My studies in mathematics and science also affect my speech. They provide me with a wide variety of terms which either literally or metaphorically apply to daily non-scientific situations, such as ‘orthogonal to’ for ‘unrelated to’ or ‘not influenced by’. Mathematics has influenced even my syntax: I sometimes order words on the pattern of equations or symbolic mathematical statements.
Linguistically I exist in the meeting-places between different cultures. Often, these are generally considered opposite or antithetical. I have fair skin and northern European ancestry; yet, I use Spanish and Ebonic words frequently. I am a poet; yet, I use mathematical terminology and logic. I have spent most of my life in Texas; yet, I sometimes sound Minnesotan or Irish. I have had a high level of education; yet, I use turns of phrase generated by bored prepubescent boys in their spare time.
Indeed, I have realised, my entire being rests on such cusps and edges. Language is simply the door through which I approached them first.
Tonight, my mom and I watched Fight Club. She didn't like it. Ensued much drama.
I suppose that's been the theme of this Thanksgiving. Drama. As you've probably read, my 'blog was the venue for most of it.
Fallout: Paige is still rather upset with me (see her LiveJournal). April apologised for the Halloween stuff and we're good now. Christine has, for all I know, stopped talking to me forever.
Krystal apologised to me, though. Understated. Important. I look forward to becoming her friend again.
I miss Brittney a lot. Haven't seen her in too long. In fact, I think I'm going to go talk to her on the phone now.
There are more details about everything I've mentioned, but I'm too weary right now. And I want to talk to my lady. So goodnight.
Cooper [23:38]
People Cooper is thankful for:
Brittney, of course, whom I love and who continually surprises and impresses me.
Julia, who seems sane when others really and truly aren't.
EJ, for the same reason.
Ben, who--though sometimes a bit overdrawn--is a hoss.
Bryce, my mentor and friend, who has done more for me than almost anyone else.
Sunil, because he's a real character with a huge heart.
Vega, with his shoeless feet and aloha shirts.
Zuki, the short, who is very similar to me, except she can draw and I cannot.
Shannon, the sane crazy one.
Vin, because he's the man. (Aren't he and Merit the cutest?)
Sam, for being the freshman version of me.
Christine, because she had a big hand in who I am.
Nikki (DeRubeis), who cares about everything and gives wonderful hugs.
April, though it's sometimes tough.
Sara (Barcus), who is wry and hilarious.
Hanna, who is very funny.
Kathleen, my friend, whose repartee I shall certainly miss next year.
Mike, because he's a gift to the guitar and the bongos.
Ashley, because she's dramatic.
Carmen, for her damn awesome gospel solo. . .
Chuong, because I understand that he's only joking.
Mr. Schanding, without whom I might never be a math professor.
Sarah (Nachin), because unlike her brother, she's cool and not dirty and always willing to give a hug when I need one. And she has nice breasts.
and many others . . .
Things Cooper is thankful for:
Early Action applications
corduroy
NESA
certamen
the poetry of TS Eliot
the poetry of Pablo Neruda
love
logic
calculus
tacos, especially carne guisada and bacon and egg
the poetry of Catullus
the speeches of Cicero
Cicero the spacemonkey
Sealab 2021
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
parents leaving town for the weekend
poetry readings
recording equipment
the djembe
Tuscany
the Michigan State University Honors College
the music of Blur, especially Parklife
the music of The Pixies
the music of Guster
Italian
Tandoori chicken
the saxophone
my car
Texas State Junior Classical League Convention
and the rest of everything. . .
Cooper [13:36]
Just when I thought all of the weird angst was if not over, then at least isolated in one part of my life:
Hi, Cooper.
I'm sorry that you're getting shit from people. In general, you seem right.
But that's not what this is about at all. This is awkward because I feel rather cheerful right now, but whateva. You've probably noticed that I'm still blocking you. This is because I've finally put myself in Paul's perspective. You're hostile toward him and, moreso, toward our relationship. You refuse to hang out with both of us but wish to hang out with me. If his and my roles were reversed, I would have asked that you be blocked long ago. But he did not ask me that, even though I asked him to block Nikki. I won't be having a private relationship with you for now. Basically, that means I've blocked you and I won't call you or hang out with you alone. This isn't because I hate you or even that I don't enjoy your company, but my relationship comes before that. As he and I are very similar, I totally understand his trouble now. It's very reasonable that you seem a bad influence on our relationship, since from the start you urged me to honor your wishes over his.
Don't worry that he's manipulating me to do this. I'm doing this out of compassion; he would do even more for me, but still I'm not obliged to do anything; this is my choice. And I'm not protesting too much, I'm just trying to word it right over the course of several tries.
If you eventually want to do something about this, you should start by apologizing to Paul. We'll see from there how things can work out, if they can.
On an entirely different subject, I believe I was wrong about Brittney, having read more. I think you really have a chance. But I think it will be painful for you. It's really up to her, how healthy she is now. You've always wanted to be a hero and accept and love a good person who has made mistakes. So I wish you two the best.
Christine
Christine
I don't understand this at all. I understand perhaps not talking on the phone or seeing you in person, but talking online?
Don't do this. It's unneccesary.
I don't think I need to apologise to Paul.
I've made my peace with your decision. It's fine, really. I disagree, but it's your choice to make, and I obviously can't dissuade you from it. I'm not going to try to do so any more.
I really want my misgivings to turn out to be wrong.
The bottom line is: I think you need a friend. No matter how good Paul is, you need one. Anything else is unhealthy. And I desperately want to be your friend. You say you want to put your relationship ahead of our friendship, but that neglects its impact on you.
You don't have to do this. You really don't. I'm not a threat to your relationship.
I also resent being compared to Nikki. The two situations are very different and you know it. I think were the roles reversed and you were to ask Paul to not talk to me, that would be ludicrous, abusive, and wrong.
Don't deprive yourself. Again, it's unneccesary.
Cooper
Cooper
I know that you're nothing like Nikki. But you're anti-Paul, which is why it hurts him.
I have friends.
I know it's not necessary. It's what I think I should do. Thank you for making peace with my decision.
You've been a good friend, and maybe someday things will be different. Again, thank you.
Christine
Fuckin' 'ell, man. What's next?
Cooper [02:34]
An addendum to the last post:
Cooper would prefer if his friends--all of them--refrained from psychoanalysis unless and until they receive medical degrees in the field of psychiatry. He is open and honest with them about his emotions and actions, and he would like them to take his word for what it is.
Cooper also requests those with whom he is not friends or friends with whom he has a beef (or who have a beef with him) to refrain from advising him on any matter. If they wish to express a concern about his life, they may seek a reconciliation. Otherwise, their advice will be addressed as mean-spirited.
Cooper [21:46]
I would like to refer the reader to the comments on the last 'blog entry.
Paige's comments I will not respond to. They rather speak for themselves. One thing I will mention is this: Will is Paige's friend, whom she has apparently sicced on me. He does not know me or anything about me or the other people on this 'blog.
Will's comments, because I do not know him and have no reason to be gracious to him, however, are fair game. I will address them point by point.
"you come of as someone who is homosexual and hiding it by dating girls."
Assuming he meant 'off', I would not call myself an homosexual. I would not, however, call myself an heterosexual either. I'm really rather more of a person who just doesn't discriminate on the basis of sex when it comes to romantic partners. I have nothing to hide.
If he meant 'of', then this is gibberish.
"online diary-call it whatever you want, but nothing can hide the fact that you have a diary"
Yes, fine. I have a diary. This does not imply in the least that I am or ever have or ever will have sex with a man. Many very great, very heterosexual men have had diaries.
"refering to yourself in the 3rd person-thats just gay"
This is just ridiculous.
"you seem to do a lot of stuff with that Sunil guy-hmm...all signs point towards GAY"
I would never date Sunil. He is my friend. We are very close. I do not feel romantic attraction to him.
"you got beat up by a girl, a SMALL girl-no excuses for that, grow some balls."
Two issues with this one:
First, Paige ambushed me by attacking me with a weapon when I had none and attacking me when I was on the ground and she was standing. She then ran away. Besides, I am a pacifist and I would never have tried to harm her, merely protect myself defensively.
Second, all of my gay friends have testicles. Without testicles, what kind of gay men would they be? Furthermore, I know many gay men who are much stronger, more agile, and more hot-tempered than I.
"Now that i have brought this to your attention you can continue writing in you diary and going to your "creative writing" class...FAG"
There is no reason why an homosexual man would be any more likely to pursue creative writing than an heterosexual man. My creative class sdpecifically has only ever had two gay men in all of its six years of existence. The odds are against it. I also strongly object to the use of such an offensive word in this situation.
Thank you, Will, for your concern as to my sexual orientation, but I strongly object to being analysed by strangers who have never even met me. I will thank you to never again post such ridiculous, derogatory, and offensive comments on my 'blog.
Cooper [21:36]
*sigh*
So it turns out that Kathleen is now with Jerome. This is a very strange occurrence, as they're both totally different and they've only just recently met.
It is good, however, in that at least she is happy about Brittney and me.
You see, I think the Creative Writing seniors must have had a conference of some sort and decided to, well, not like Brittney. What the hell?
April even compared her to Ryan! Now, Ryan everyone thought was bad for Paige. We told her so. She loved him nonetheless. I suppose in that they're similar. Differences:
1. Ryan never claimed to love Paige; in fact he was vocal that he did not love her and that he was using her. Brittney loves me.
2. We all knew Ryan. None of them knows Brittney.
3. Ryan clearly was using Paige, and all of our comments to her (or at least all of mine) directly related to that. The comments about Brittney have mostly centred around, well, her reputation.
Yeah. Fuck that.
I explained this all to April, but what comes of it I don't know. We'll see.
At least the juniors are sane on this topic. Or at least Ben and Vega are. The other juniors were rather militantly watching Amelie today, so I didn't talk to them about the whole thing.
Other news:
In English, we had Ms. A. Stengel in for a writing workshop. Or something. It ended up being a bash-the-English, praise-all-Celts, present-positive-stereotypes-as-fact, read-a-bunch-of-Yeats kind of lecture. I didn't mind the Yeats.
Cooper is quite tired of the recent trend to present an historically abused people's culture as the pinnacle of all humanity, neglecting all of the negative elements because to speak about them would be oppressive. Certainly, negative stereotypes are bad, but a truthful presentation of all the facets of a culture is the only way to truly appreciate it.
I wore my frilly blue tuxedo shirt today. Yay! Wore it with my grey checked pants and my navy corduroy jacket. Snazzy. And I got several compliments on it. This and seeing Brittney at lunch were pretty much the lone bright spots of my day.
Cooper [18:27]
So I guess it wasn't enough for Paige to beat me.
She, it seems, has to continue to be a bitch to me. How nice.
Today was the first day I'd really seen her since the beating. What did she talk about? How much she dislikes Brittney.
Fuck that.
Cooper [22:32]
Quote of the day:
Grass must be destroyed to make way for education. --Vega
Cooper [11:37]
